Since the beginning of April, at the suggestion of the
counsellor I’m seeing, I’ve been keeping a Notebook in which I try and write
down all my thoughts and feelings. I’m now on Volume 4.
It’s become my best friend and helps me acknowledge the
upheaval that’s going on inside (since Frog died, in early January), instead of dashing around being busy and
pushing everything to the dark dusty corners of my mind, for attention When I Have
Time – which is of course (in my case) never.
This morning, after two good nights’ sleep (a rarity), I
wrote the following.
Perhaps I can be glad
that I met and lived with Frog and that he is still alive somewhere.
‘How wonderful life is, now he’s in the world.’
And, god willing, we will be together again.
Those are probably the first truly hopeful words I’ve
written in the Notebook, which is why I’m sharing them with you.
(As you may – or may not – have noticed, I’ve been silent here
for a couple of months. That’s been for several reasons:
- There was too much going on my head to begin to be able to write something coherent
- I had the Notebook and that was enough
- I was too miserable.)
Here too, now I’m on a roll, are some pictures from the last
few months.
‘How wonderful life is, now he’s in the world.’
And, god willing, we will be together again.
- There was too much going on my head to begin to be able to write something coherent
- I had the Notebook and that was enough
- I was too miserable.)
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| The Scots pine that answers to mine. (See earlier post.) |
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Looking through the mudra of my Scots pine to the hill where the other one lives. (It’s hidden behind that stand of trees, which is new Scots pines.) Thanks to my friend C for the idea for the picture. |
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| A good crop of fat acorns |
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| A puffball nearly as big as Ellie |
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| The view from the distant Scots pine (and my friend C and her dog) |
It was lovely to read this post. I'm glad you are managing to find a way through this really difficult time. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to comment but it only works for me on my 'big computer' and I've not used it often lately. Take care x
ReplyDeleteCarol, it's lovely to hear from you and I always enjoy reading your blog. I'm beginning to wonder however whether the medium of blog is outdated. What do you think? x
DeleteCarol, it's lovely to hear from you and I always enjoy reading your blog. I'm beginning to wonder however whether the medium of blog is outdated. What do you think? x (Sending this from me this time, I hope, not 'anonymous'.)
ReplyDeleteI must admit I’ve had moments when I’ve thought that I just haven’t felt like blogging. And then someone comments and it all feels worth it. There does seem to be a lot of blogs I follow that are slowing down or taking a bit of a break. For me the not being able to comment properly has been a real pain though I have just actually commenting on someone’s in my phone this morning so perhaps some glitches have been resolved. Whenever I think of stopping blogging I remind myself that I’m doing it as much as a diary for me as for anything else and then that gives me a reason to carry on. X
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