I’ve mentioned before my guru Louise Hay and her book You Can Heal Your Life.
I’ve also mentioned my disinclination at the moment to get
out of bed in the morning and face the world, and the bad back and leg that
have crippled me since November.
Last night when I couldn’t sleep yet again because of the pain in my right calf, which paracetamol hadn’t touched, I decided to explore with the help of my beloved Notebook what was going on.
According to Louise, pain in the lower leg is caused by fear of the future and not wanting to move on. The affirmation (to counteract that) is:
I move forward with confidence and joy, knowing that all will be well in my future.
I said this to myself over and over and found myself sobbing so I knew she was right.
I’ve been through this process again and again recently and I keep forgetting, and falling into old ways, and believing what everyone else says instead of what I say deep inside me. For instance, out of fear I’ve been to see a physiotherapist, which is what my doctor recommended for my back and leg, even though I don't normally do conventional medicine, and all it’s done is make me feel worse.
One day, I might manage to hold on to me.
And, of course, as I might also have said before, that is what this time since Frog’s death is all about. I have the idea that moving on will take me away from him, but actually it will take me towards him.
Even though Frog and I had the deepest of connections, I couldn’t be myself when he was here because I was too preoccupied with being a good wife, with being what I thought he wanted. He removed himself in order to help me and now, in order to rejoin him, I have to face the world without him and learn to be me. It’s bloody terrifying.
Wish me luck.
And in case none of that makes sense, which is more than likely, here are some pictures from the last week or two. Isn’t the world beautiful? Why on earth should I fear it?
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| Floods |
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| Shining Cranesbill, a tiny flower named for its shiny leaves (the small roundish ones) |
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The nearby Weeping Willow, waving its
hair-like tresses |
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| My Secret Wood, a fluff of greeny-brown about to burst into life |
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| The buds of Holly flowers, another secret |
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| Dandelions like suns and Dandelions with Speedwell, the colour of the sky. (Spot the dog.) |
