I’ve mentioned before how I knew when I met Frog (back in 1977) that we’d been together in previous lives. I’ve also said how I heard Frog say to me a month or two ago (after his death) that he was with me all the time and guiding me. I haven’t mentioned before how every time I pray to God for help (and really mean it), help comes.
These and other spiritual experiences are now forming the basis of a whole new way of being for me and a whole new way of understanding the world. I’m building up a framework of beliefs and practices that hold me together and give me a reason for carrying on.
Because these beliefs – or perhaps ‘knowings’ – are peculiar to me, it’s hard to talk to most people about them. Either people don’t understand or they think I’m a crackpot. Nor are they something people do talk about. Sometimes, therefore, the whole new framework collapses, leaving me bereft and confused and alone in a meaningless world.
One of the few people – if not the only person – who does know about my new spiritual world, is my counsellor, EH.
‘It’s like a house of cards,’ I said to her when I saw her last week.
‘I don’t see it as
that,’ she said. ‘I see it as a ‘new house’. It has strong foundations and some
rows of brick at the bottom. Higher up, it’s wooden, but you are slowly
cladding the wood with brick.’
That was
enormously reassuring, and we talked about how just changing words can help.
On Sunday, I released myself from my to-do list and wandered with the dog to my secret wood. As I walked and as I sat in the wood and soaked in its beauty, I started to form a creed, and here it is.
I believe, because it’s mine
I believe what makes
me happy
It makes me happy
because it’s right (for me)
I believe in myself
I believe
I hope you understand.
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| A perfect English summer's day |
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| In my secret wood: a glorious interplay of sun and shade |
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| A spider's web at the base of a moss-covered beech tree. It's swaying like a curtain of mist in the gentle currents of air on the floor of the wood. |
